I went to the one and only metal show in Asheville on Tuesday. It was Mastodon and it was a good show besides the fact that james and I got into a huge fight right after the show. It was not pretty! then again what fight is? Besides from a movie I can't think of one. We're ok now. One thing that he thinks is that I am very unhappy here, which is true but I know that I will not not be happy in Charlotte either. I feel like this is just a point in my life where I'm in limbo,like I'm running in mud. My education is moving at a snails pace and I work all the time just too barley make it and as I'm working so hard and pushing myself I have a roommate that has just given up and is leaning on her mother and me and that is not my worries! She decided to move out and is leaving at the end of march but the house has been really tense. I just want to find a drug free open minded person and its a stretch but maybe just maybe an artist. But I know its not a dream world thats ok who knows what will happen. I start my training to become a sales person in two weeks or so. *Sighs* I miss mommy. She'd have some wisdom. Maybe something will come to me until then I am just gonna deal with the bullshit and move on anyway till its gone!!!
*sighs* moving worries are finally starting to kick in. I know this is what I have to do,its just harder than it looks or sounds! I guess who ever came up with the idea that moving was "stressful" was diffently correct in saying so. I leave in two days and the thought of being there all alone for three weeks without anyone I know is scary. I don't know if I can handle this and to top it all off I still have to find a job and me and james are fighting alot as of today. Maybe today is just not my day.
I'm guessing tomorrow won't be either because I have to see my dad and tell him I won't give him my address until he goes to rehab.Then hang out with the rest of the familyl. Which I don't really mind except if my grand-pa is in his you can't do anything your just a stupid women and we all know women can't do anything but cook and clean moods.But hopefully that won't be the case. It would be nice to say goodbye and it be fight free! Well one thing I can count on is that at some point I will feel alone and I can't make it go away. But thats the way things go the only option I have is to keep moving on despite how I feel.
4 Days left until I move. Things are starting to get really crazy around here. Go figure! Everything always happens when your ready to leave.X_x Today I went to target to get some things for my appartment.(I have nothing because I've never lived on my own before.) The things I bought are so cute!! even my broom and toliet brush.Ha ha ha.Sorry I'm craking up over here. The other day me and creep hung out and had lunch. It was so fun. I am going to miss him and bullet so much,but I know we will keep in touch. At least I hope we will. In other news my dad has started a huge shit storm over the fact I am not going to give him my new address. He saying that I'm just leaving him and basically going feel sorry for me because I make all kinds of mistakes,blame other people and talk about how much I do for them. Or something like that.But my whole deal is that I will tell him where I live once he comepletes at least a 30 day rehab program and then goes to out patient grief counseling.Thats all I'm asking. One of my main reason's for doing so is that if he knew now all he would try and do is wreck what I have going and if he came to my house and made a scene I would for sure get kicked out. Then I'd have nowhere to go and he'd be happy cause he was at least doing better than me and yes I know that does not make much sense but I could see it happing. Now he is trying to make me feel bad and make this all about him and its not. But I can't just leave him behind and never talk to him again cause no matter how bad he messes up he'll always be my dad. But right now I just have to love him from a distance.Which really sucks! Maybe after I talk to him he will clam down and stop being so mean. Who knows anymore, anything could happen.
So i made 100% on both algebra tests i had today.But algebra is still my lowest grade coming in at a 84.9 which is one point or whatever away from a B- damn it everything else I have A's in.But not algebra damn it to hell!! I will by the end of next month at the latest.IT WILL BE DONE.Other than that school is going really good.
I went to the youth thing at the Ymca and those people are close minded as hell.It really was really stupid how they were acting and saying being gay is wrong.When its not and i won't be some where they don't except that people are that way and its not a bad thing.They could only say it was a sin and sins are bad...Which is like umm everybody sins(if you think that way) not just gay people.Stupid Fucks.I Won't deal with that bullshit.Thats how people get killed in the end and thats how this world get way more stupid is people thinking thats a good reason to hate people or something.Where the hell do they get off?Oh well the only reason i am in that is i need some kind of elective.Plus we get to work with clay.But one more mention of the subject in a negative light and i will tell them where to put the youth club!!!I will find somewhere else to make art and stuff.
Life is so damn crazy you never do know what is to come.
I went to a party last night.It was cool i saw a lot of people that i had not seen in like a year or so.I ended up getting there late after i got off work and all most everyone was drunk.I was like ok and just sat down and watched everyone be stupid and drew a little.I stayed up all night.well all i am going to say that it was fun and took me back to when i was like 13 or 14 and ahh the memories.I have to call some people today and finnish my school work for last week so my teacher will not kill me.Things are so crazy.I mean really it was good that i saw my friends last night.But there was one friend that was not there and it made me very upset and sad.I just hope that I see him again soon!!!I wish he would come back today but i know he won't.Oh well I have to get my mind off that and think happy or somthing......*RUNs off to try and go be happy*
God my birthday is ALMOST here!The year went by so fast...I am glad that 16 is almost over.It was not as good as i had been told it would be...or how I thought it would be.But thats ok there is always 17 things are looking up.Maggot will be back around.I decided not to have a big party like last year I know I would just get left out anyway.Last year i ended up in my room all alone while all of my "friends" were all over my brother and his friends.I mean i tried to hang out with them but I was just a joke to them all.Hey lets put her in a headlock Cause it is so funny to see me gasp for air and fall down on my face.....Fuck that.I am just going out with my parents and glass bullet to a nice restaurant then to the movies, and then home to play ps2 games,listen to our music as loud as we want then watch some more movies and maybe do art.Well at least thats the game plan.My mom wants to have party.But I KNOW it will just end up out of hand with me getting hurt and thats noway to spend a birthday I will try at all cost to avoid something like that again.more than likely my mom will plan to have a party and i'll have to deal with it...but not the day of my birthday she was talking about the day before so whatever i'll just hide out again....they never notice anyway.I wish maggot could be with me and glass_Bullet but the 26 is getting close so that makes it not as bad.WOOHOO *happy dance*It'll be fun to see what happens its like a soap opera or something tune in to find out ha ha ha oddness
You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what that can always mean, because it can be defined in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were the spirits of passed away people who are neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing when you expect it least. So hence, if you have a Lost Soul, then you are probably very insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box, you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont know your place. You seemingly dont have a place in society or an interest. You are a very capricious person, and are confused and frustrated about where you belong. You crave for the sense and feeling of home-but have not obtained it yet.
Today was an awesome day.Hung out with Glass_Bullet for a long time we catched up.Changed our hair colors,Ate sloppy joes (that sounds a bit odd)Listened to music that was so bad it was some how good.Made a attmept to avoid my parents at all cost.I tried to do a back bend and the second time was the charm.The first was a Disaster fell right on my head.But it was all Glass_Bullets fault for making me laugh.I can't wait to hang out with her again.It was so great but not perfect (thats ok i would never want it to be Perfect because then we would have nothing to look forward to now would we?)Made me miss my Maggot =/ Thats ok I'll see them in like two weeks give or take a few days.I can't wait Glass_Bullet,Maggot,and me on a road trip.LIfe is so funny............
I leave you all with socks in your mouth.So ha ha ha X_x and yeah
I have a really odd week.My brother moved out of my parents house.I went to see where he lives now and let me just say he was better off at my parents house.that place was a mess and the people were just drama fiends.but whatever floats your but i guess.Now i know there is drama in my life but I don't go and look for it or thrive on it.One things for sure I will never spend the night there again No way! the whole time i was there I did not sleep at all I just sat in the dark hall on the stairs with a couple lit candles and my art book to draw in and a book to read also a cd player(I had to have some music)I was up for two days.I came home took a shower,then I went to bed.There was 9 or 10 people who live there.thats a lot of people and two of the girls that live there are going to have babies.So yeah my brother can come see me damn it.I don't care if he hates my grand parents.but anyway tonight was good I hung out with my friends for a while then came home and my dad came over and we watched a movie and talked.No fighting go us!!!So much has been going on I am all like X_x or something....I miss my maggot and glass bullet.I have so much make up school work to do tomorrow its the last day of spring break too.:/ thats ok schools fun when you home school.Public schools suck!!!!
Anyway on another note its really funny how things turn out.
Man I want to get the hell out of this city and start over somewhere else.Maybe it would just be the same somewhere else but nobody would know me and things would just be better or maybe I am just losing it I don't care I just want to leave I spent to many years here and there are only a hand full of good things to come from me being here so....If I went somewhere else maybe things would get better and no I am not trying to run away from my past I just want something better I don't really know what that would be but its something different from now.Maybe maybe maybe *sighs* Well I will not know till I try right.So for now I'll just save up and make the best out of the worst and try not to notice whats wrong but notice whats right as few and far between whats right might be. Its so funny how ..............................
I can't seem to find out what the hell is going on.Everything is spinning out of control.Things are getting worse and it seems as though there will be no happy thoughts left when I am done riping them to pieces but don't think i am the only one riping things up by no way is it just me.People are riping me up but oh well not much left to rip I really wish I had something happy to say but.......
Today was not a good day for me and lets just leave it at that
This was writen by me and I want to share so here: You were everything I wanted but now I know what we all have become.What you and I have lost.Nobody will see this the way my eye perceives this but i am not doing this for them .thought fueled by hate,love sorrow,something we've all lost.Not to be again and we all fall victim of are own sevles once more and yet again till the very end. by ~*Brie*~
You are Cradle of Filth's DANI FILTH! You're a fucking badass, you write some kick-ass lyrics and are a great fuckin' singer. You probably scare people, but that's always fun. Yum =)
i am LUCIFER hehehe.right? Lucifer. The most misunderstood of all the ArchAngels, you're most like the ArchAngel of Light. You've seen the darkside and have opted for something better. You need better press, though chances are no one will really understand your motives.
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